Sunday 4 December 2011
Sunday 18 September 2011
Finance Jokes: How to catch an elephant
How to catch an Elephant in the Sahara
MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a) Catch each animal seen.
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c) Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
HARDWARE ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does happen to see a elephant, the staff will:
(1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and
(2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.
It's more simple for a TRAINED MATHEMATICIAN: Put a small circular cage somewhere in Africa, so that it does not contain an elephant - which should be easy. Then, point to the encircled area and declare it as "outside".
MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a) Catch each animal seen.
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c) Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
HARDWARE ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does happen to see a elephant, the staff will:
(1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and
(2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.
It's more simple for a TRAINED MATHEMATICIAN: Put a small circular cage somewhere in Africa, so that it does not contain an elephant - which should be easy. Then, point to the encircled area and declare it as "outside".
Thursday 23 June 2011
Au Revoir
Words like "See you", "Goodbye", "Talk you later" are used very lightly, without thinking much about its meanings. But what's worst is when you use them and you don't know when you will see those persons again. Usually you say that you will stay in touch and will never forget, but you still wait for those emails. Sometimes you don't even have the chance to tell it to those persons. It would be great if your friends, family and good people you know all lived close nearby, reaching them within walking distance. You would think that you would get used to see friends and family come and go, since it happens all the time in your life. But when it's time to say goodbye, it's always the same feeling, the same pinch in your heart. After that, you still have to move on, but thinking about the time that you miss not being with your family and friends, that you can't see on a daily, weekly basis, is always kind of sad. You never know what you might be missing and when you could see your beloved ones again. You always kind of regret all the time you spent doing meaningless and selfish things, whereas you could have spent your time being with your friends or family and make the most of it. Those regrets and disappointments play on your mind quite a bit. You start to think what you are doing now on this small world, and if it's really meaningful and there is never a straight answer to it. What you can do is dwell on those mistakes, on the memories and try to make the most of your time with your beloved ones. You can never catch up time, but you can use it. So use it, use it all and well.
C'est toujours difficile de dire au revoir aux personnes que l'on aime et qui nous sont proches, comme notre famille et nos amis. Ca me fait toujours un petit pincement au coeur et parfois un gros. On crois qu'on devient habituer par les au-revoirs que l'on dit depuis que l'on est tout petit, mais c'est toujours aussi dur. On n'arrete pas d'etre egoiste et de ne penser qu'a notre pauvre petite vie, et non sur ce qui est essentiel. Parfois, on n'a meme pas l'opportunite de dire au revoir et c'est deja trop tard. Souvent l'on ne sait meme pas quand on va revoir l'autre, et on se dit qu'on restera en contact, qu'on s'enverra des emails. Mais tu attends toujours ces emails. Des que l'autre est parti, souvent chacun fait sa propre vie de son cote egoistement et oublie les promesses souvent passees. C'est difficle a avaler, surtout si toi, tu continues a envoyer ces emails, en attendant une reponse en retour. Parfois j'aimerais bien que les gens savent mieux utiliser les mots et connaissent leurs sens. On ne peut jamais rattraper le temps perdu, et ca nous donne pleins de regrets. On se demande "pourquoi moi", et ce que l'on a fait de travers. Il faut savoir utiliser son temps le mieux que possible et passer le plus de temps avec les gens qui nous sont proches, parce qu'on ne sait jamais quand on va les revoir. Chaque jour est tellement incertain que certains lendemains ne se passent pour certains. Alors profitons du temps present. "Present", qui peut aussi signifier "cadeau" , une chose que l'on oublie souvent.
C'est toujours difficile de dire au revoir aux personnes que l'on aime et qui nous sont proches, comme notre famille et nos amis. Ca me fait toujours un petit pincement au coeur et parfois un gros. On crois qu'on devient habituer par les au-revoirs que l'on dit depuis que l'on est tout petit, mais c'est toujours aussi dur. On n'arrete pas d'etre egoiste et de ne penser qu'a notre pauvre petite vie, et non sur ce qui est essentiel. Parfois, on n'a meme pas l'opportunite de dire au revoir et c'est deja trop tard. Souvent l'on ne sait meme pas quand on va revoir l'autre, et on se dit qu'on restera en contact, qu'on s'enverra des emails. Mais tu attends toujours ces emails. Des que l'autre est parti, souvent chacun fait sa propre vie de son cote egoistement et oublie les promesses souvent passees. C'est difficle a avaler, surtout si toi, tu continues a envoyer ces emails, en attendant une reponse en retour. Parfois j'aimerais bien que les gens savent mieux utiliser les mots et connaissent leurs sens. On ne peut jamais rattraper le temps perdu, et ca nous donne pleins de regrets. On se demande "pourquoi moi", et ce que l'on a fait de travers. Il faut savoir utiliser son temps le mieux que possible et passer le plus de temps avec les gens qui nous sont proches, parce qu'on ne sait jamais quand on va les revoir. Chaque jour est tellement incertain que certains lendemains ne se passent pour certains. Alors profitons du temps present. "Present", qui peut aussi signifier "cadeau" , une chose que l'on oublie souvent.
Wednesday 15 June 2011
Some choose to forget, some choose to dwell, me....
We often want second chances. Sometimes we don't deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes. Some choose to dwell, some choose to forget but me...
But me, when it happens, I am like the main character in this video. I choose to remember all, the good and the bad, and move on in life. It's part of life and it's part of the learning process of it. You might miss the person and regret, but you still need to move on. I choose to remember because those moments have been part of your life and of your mind I do not find it good to forget, because it is like rejecting a part of your life. You just need to move on. Only if you remember, wont you make the same mistake again, and that applies to everything in life as well.
Another great video from Wong Fu Productions, which made me think about that topic ;)
But me, when it happens, I am like the main character in this video. I choose to remember all, the good and the bad, and move on in life. It's part of life and it's part of the learning process of it. You might miss the person and regret, but you still need to move on. I choose to remember because those moments have been part of your life and of your mind I do not find it good to forget, because it is like rejecting a part of your life. You just need to move on. Only if you remember, wont you make the same mistake again, and that applies to everything in life as well.
Another great video from Wong Fu Productions, which made me think about that topic ;)
Monday 13 June 2011
New Eyes
15 years. It's been 15 years since I started to wear glasses and I got rid of them for a moment, to replace them by contact lenses. What a surprise it was to not be limited by your specs. I could see left, right, up and down, without the image being blurred. I could look on the sides, without turning my head, but just turning my eyes. It feels like everything now is new and amazing. Even looking at those dirty roads and grey sky in London amazes me. This is how good it is. I also don't need to push my glasses up, when it falls down.
I remember that my brother was the first one to get glasses. And I have to say, I was jealous of him at that time. He had all the attention from my parents and he was going to have glasses, which were looking cool to me in my eyes. I wanted to have glasses as well, something that he had. So I remember I hoped I would got some. A few months later, or maybe a year later, my eyesight dropped and I could not see clearly and I was like "yes", finally it's my turn. How stupid was I at that moment? I wish I would never have to wear glasses. At least now, I can experience it from time to time.
I remember that my brother was the first one to get glasses. And I have to say, I was jealous of him at that time. He had all the attention from my parents and he was going to have glasses, which were looking cool to me in my eyes. I wanted to have glasses as well, something that he had. So I remember I hoped I would got some. A few months later, or maybe a year later, my eyesight dropped and I could not see clearly and I was like "yes", finally it's my turn. How stupid was I at that moment? I wish I would never have to wear glasses. At least now, I can experience it from time to time.
Don't be afraid to cry...
I love those songs with Chester, Kevjumba and Nigahiga. This song is so true, speaking to us guys who are afraid to cry, because it is so unmanly. Although I don't want to go into too much details, but sometimes you just want to let the tears go, but you don't because you're a guy. It is especially embarrassing when you cry in front of other people. But it would be a real relief sometimes to shed a tear.
LYRICS
CHORUS:
Here it comes
Can't you see
That we're tough guys and we have feelings.
Take my hand
Close your eyes
With you right here
Imma shed a tear and cry
Don't be afraid to cry cry
You can still be a manly guy guy
Just cry.
Don't be afraid to cry cry
Let it free fall from your eyes eyes
VERSE 1:
Wake up see a sunrise
Let it free fall from your eyes.
Start my day and I read a sonnet
Got got a soft cheek with a tear on it.
Step out and the skies are clear
I'm a man and I have no fear.
Take a step and I land in crap.
I let it out, no holding back.
(CHORUS)
VERSE 2:
Baby we can go out on a first date.
But you come and pick me up half an hour late.
Girl I'm not gonna lie, that you almost made me cry,
But I'm a masculine man ill be ok.
Yeah, your place, toy story 3
the greatest all time kid's movie.
But I forgot, Andy leaves Woody,
And now the tears are coming right back over me.
LYRICS
CHORUS:
Here it comes
Can't you see
That we're tough guys and we have feelings.
Take my hand
Close your eyes
With you right here
Imma shed a tear and cry
Don't be afraid to cry cry
You can still be a manly guy guy
Just cry.
Don't be afraid to cry cry
Let it free fall from your eyes eyes
VERSE 1:
Wake up see a sunrise
Let it free fall from your eyes.
Start my day and I read a sonnet
Got got a soft cheek with a tear on it.
Step out and the skies are clear
I'm a man and I have no fear.
Take a step and I land in crap.
I let it out, no holding back.
(CHORUS)
VERSE 2:
Baby we can go out on a first date.
But you come and pick me up half an hour late.
Girl I'm not gonna lie, that you almost made me cry,
But I'm a masculine man ill be ok.
Yeah, your place, toy story 3
the greatest all time kid's movie.
But I forgot, Andy leaves Woody,
And now the tears are coming right back over me.
Sunday 12 June 2011
What to do?
Today, I have been thinking about my future and where do I go from where I am now. I have finished university and I have started a job a bit more than two months ago. I like my job and I did not think that it would have been possible to find a work like that when I was in university. But now I was thinking where do I go, what will be the future for me in the long term. It's been 5 years since I have come into the UK, and maybe I am getting a little bit too comfortable. Maybe I need to go and live in another country someday, maybe in 2 or 3 years. Maybe I should go out of my comfort zone and do something a bit crazy or untypical for me and my personality. It's quite hard to know at the moment. Beside my job, I do not do much, because I am so drained and tired. But I know that I should make a better use of my time. Maybe I am getting lazy or too comfortable as I said. London can really make people comfortable and numb sometimes.
I remember when I was in middle school and high school, back in France, I would always want to do something exciting. I would always be thinking that in the future, I would do something out of my comfort zone. My job still requires me to do all that, but beside my job and in the long term what do I want to do, and what can I do. There are still a lot of questions unanswered, and it is not too easy to answer them. I can choose the easy life, and choose to stay how I am, just living the way I am, being comfortable. But I can choose to prepare the future and start doing something that could lead to something exciting, which can be a little bit crazy and brings me some adrenaline. I could start thinking about a long term project that I have, or try to learn and hone my skills in a new area, in which I could be very good at it.
It is very interesting how, when you are in your early 20s, hard it is to know what you want to do. There are so much possiblities, but most people stay in their comfort and lose the possibilities that they have when they are at this young age in their life. Everything is still possible now. But one day, you might realise that you would like to do something else of your life, and it might be too late. It might be that your body do not follow your soul anymore, it might be that you have a family or a job that you can't leave.
I would need to decide what to do, and choose what I can do and be very good and so good at that thing, that it could be an alternative to a comfortable life. Otherwise it might be too late, and you won't realise it because time flies. It's time to make a choice. Making choices will always close some doors but it will open others. Life is all about making choices.
I remember when I was in middle school and high school, back in France, I would always want to do something exciting. I would always be thinking that in the future, I would do something out of my comfort zone. My job still requires me to do all that, but beside my job and in the long term what do I want to do, and what can I do. There are still a lot of questions unanswered, and it is not too easy to answer them. I can choose the easy life, and choose to stay how I am, just living the way I am, being comfortable. But I can choose to prepare the future and start doing something that could lead to something exciting, which can be a little bit crazy and brings me some adrenaline. I could start thinking about a long term project that I have, or try to learn and hone my skills in a new area, in which I could be very good at it.
It is very interesting how, when you are in your early 20s, hard it is to know what you want to do. There are so much possiblities, but most people stay in their comfort and lose the possibilities that they have when they are at this young age in their life. Everything is still possible now. But one day, you might realise that you would like to do something else of your life, and it might be too late. It might be that your body do not follow your soul anymore, it might be that you have a family or a job that you can't leave.
I would need to decide what to do, and choose what I can do and be very good and so good at that thing, that it could be an alternative to a comfortable life. Otherwise it might be too late, and you won't realise it because time flies. It's time to make a choice. Making choices will always close some doors but it will open others. Life is all about making choices.
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