Homeless..

Home (noun): the place where you live or where you feel that you belong....

"I born and grew up in France, my parents are from Mauritius and my origins are back from China." How many times did I repeat this? This is my answer when I'm asked where I am from. It is the best I have found, which let the other person to make his own idea. It is always complicated for me to explain , as myself do not know where to start.

My appearance doesn't match my upbringing, neither does my upbringing match my origins. I feel I'm just like a double bacon cheeseburger with extra pickles and onions , and a touch of spice. I do play with that, saying I'm African, or Asian or French, when I'm all three at once :)

It's always been very hard for me to be integrated, wherever I was. When I was young, I was thinking "why me?" and blaming others, when actually I was more the one to be blamed. I have to admit I didn't try sometimes hard enough, but you don't really want to try so hard , when others doesn't need to. I don't feel 100% one culture or another, so I couldn't really share the same experience with some people who weren't cross cultured. Although you can have some common topics with people, since you know a bit of different culture. That's why most of my best friends are cross cultural kids themselves, because we share the same worries, and the same experience. Some succeeded to overcome it, but most of the times we have the same question of our identity and about ourselves.

To solve this problem, I usually escape and run away from it and go to another country, expecting things would change, expecting that I would feel more integrated. But I do the same mistakes all over again. It's not about others, it's more about myself. If I don't find the peace in myself and accept who I am, then I would always have the feeling of being a reject and an alien.

I know that what I live, nobody else lived it, my life is mine and their lives are theirs. I am different, and this difference makes myself to be me.